Today I took my wonderful Master 4 to a transition day at the local primary school. This is a really sore point for me as he is young, I feel too young to be going to school, however applying for a second funded year at kindergarten doesn't seem to be happening for us so despite my misgivings we are attending transition sessions, which to his credit he seems to be loving the hell out off.
He is not in a great way today, up at 4am and eating like it's going out of fashion, and it's real hunger not just boredom which can happen. He's attention span if not at it's best but there was minimal yelling required to get out of the door this morning.
After his hour long stint in the schools art room, I went to pick him up and the teacher asked me if I'd had him tested....
To say I was gobsmacked is an understatement, I simply answered with no he is young and hot footed out of there before I either lost my shit or burst into tears.
Apparently he wasn't listening and continued to want to do his own thing, went to the toilet about 4 times and just wouldn't focus. All this sounds like Master 4, especially on a bad day....
I feel terrible as I dropped him at kinder and ran.
Once home, I officially lost my shit,
What's wrong with my child? Anything? Surly this person is full of crap? Maybe they aren't, perhaps I'm in denial, Should I get him tested?, Am I bad parent?, Is he young and spirited or an ADHD diagnosis waiting to happen, I don't want him labeled, I don't want to medicate him, What if it's autism?, Should I have picked something up earlier? That bitch how dare she say something like that, why did I send him?, I need to look at other schools, What if he's just playing up? What if he's not?
Then I cried, a lot, in fact I'm still crying as I'm truly at a loss of what to do.
Lucky I had a friend here who has been through this with her middle son who has just started high school and has a learning delay, but is functioning well. She had no advice but was most empathetic about how I was feeling.
My boy is perfection in my eyes, he's cheeky and full of life, he is well adjusted, rarely tantrums, is happy to play with others or alone, he eats like a horse, almost as an obsessive trait, is something wrong with my child?
We have a speech pathology appointment tomorrow to try and correct his lisp, which appears to be a laziness issue than a pathological one but I was pushed along as I was concerned if we didn't correct it before he starts school it could be a bigger issue.
I'm still teetering between angry, devastated, and denial but I have no way to sort these feeling out for the time being, I must NOT eat. I just want to build a fort and hide in it with my kids and tell them over and over that they are perfect and I love them, before the big bad world can take it away.
Reporting in at 8pm,
My mood has settled, Master 4 went on a play date after kinder with his friend Mr O, When Mr O's Dad dropped him home I debriefed to him about what had happened, He was most reassuring telling me that even though English is his second language he had no drama understand Master 4.
Fingers crossed tomorrows appointment goes well, I've fine tuned my day to within an inch of my life, kicking off with gym at 6am!