Old Enemies Return

I've been in a strange kind of limbo these past few days.
I needed to make a formal complaint at work about some practice that I was unable to resolve on the floor which has really got me down. I pride myself in my ability to talk people around but it turns out that i have exhausted all of my options and the only one left was to push it up. In nursing when you have to do that it makes you feel like crap, these are your workmates and peers that your talking about which makes for some frosty times when working. It's got me down to say the least and as a result my elation at hitting my under 80 goal has been short lived.
On a positive note, I've been exercising daily, even managed the 1000 steps yesterday afternoon with my sister and her man in tow. I'm not sure if I've moaned about my sister before, she's one of 'those' people, you know the ones that eat garbage, do nothing and always look fantastic... yep... that's my sister. However as much as I talk the talk it honestly doesn't shit me as much as it used to, I think about this journey that I'm on and I realized that she never would be able to do this she is too shy and too much of a stress head.... plus she's doing her honors year for law. Don't envy her one bit!

I found earlier in the week I was half assing workouts, I'm not really sure why Wednesday I had a killer headache and did RPM regardless which in hindsight was a mistake. Also half assed zumba and a few gym sessions, I'm putting it down to stress from work but on closer examination...

I AM A SUGAR ADDICT

When did that happen?, somehow during my 4 weeks of non weighing huge amounts of sugar have wiggled back into my diet. A sneaky chocolate here, ice cream, coke, raspberry licorice, lollies.....
Every single day....
On looking at Tuesday, I think my headache was due to sugar withdrawal

How scary that it can happen so fast and I didn't even notice until I went back over MFP, I've always been an advocate of eat the things you love but really, I've be going at it like old times.... On Thursday I skipped lunch to eat a pack of oreo's
*face palm*
Also noticed my sleeping has been going to hell with the increase... last night I was up until 2am because I decided to have a mini binge at 9pm.... it was within my calories so it was ok...
*beats head against wall*

News Flash Michelle.... IT IS NOT OK!!!!
You cannot live the same way as you did or you will look the same way!
and feel the same way,
and act the same way.....
I deserve more than that!

In other news I DID NOT want to go to gym this morning,
I sooked and stamped my feet and attempted to hide and 'forget' about the time.
I snapped at my kids and D, I text my gym buddy, I even sooked about it on facebook
I ran out of excuses and I went anyway...
Now I love that I went and am feeling 120% better
and I didn't half ass my workout....

Looks like whatever brain fart had me out of action is on the mend and I'm planning to smash the rest of this week.
Bring it on,
I am ready for you!

Winning

Master 4 getting in to the meatball prep

Work lately has really been getting me down, so much that I cannot change no matter how I want to, I've noticed that my attitude and sleeping patterns have been off because of it. I've taken 3 weeks leave with my final shift being last night. To be honest I have been entertaining the thought of changing jobs but continually putting it in the too hard basket while doing 12wbt. D also has next week off so I'm hoping for some clarity and a chance to really sit down and think about what I want and where I want to be career wise. I know it's not Friday but I have posted some winner NSV's on Facebook this week so I though I'd document them here, so that I can look back on those days when I'm feeling really low.

Even though I missed my dinner break at work last night, I didn't stop at Macca's on the way home, I bought a sandwich and a bottle of water from the service station. Didn't even consider getting chocolate.
I also looked at the nutrition panel, and choose with my head... though the chicken schnitzel one did look yum, wasn't worth the calories though!

I am $30 away from a brand new pair of Asic's that are on layby... I'm so excited as my poor old puma's are almost ready to fall apart.

We love meatballs

I take the high options at Attack and Combat classes, no more 'I cant' I do, until I physically cannot anymore instead of always option for the low options.

Kids have continued to eat EVERYTHING that is being dished up to them. Master 4 is interested and engaged and loves to 'help' cook. At the supermarket he takes great pleasure in getting the veggies that we need and even asks for help. He asked the produce worker where the Gai Lam was today as he couldn't find it.... hence we ended up with two bunches of endives instead but we will go with it.
You can stir fry that right?






I climbed the fire trail at Mt Dandenong with a good friend, took us 2 and a half hours, we got lost twice but made it up and back alive and almost willing to do it again. Though my butt was sore for a good two days.

Snapshot from the top, foggy but still beautiful 

I finally got into the workout tight bandwagon, snaffled some from Aldi, bought L and XL.... the larges fit like a dream so now not sure what to do with the XL pair... :D
My ass looks pretty hot in them too...

Last week had sore and aching muscles for 5/7 days, and kind of liked it

Have turned down yummy foods on offer and opted for better options, Been going to bed early and though still slightly addicted to popcorn and ginger nut cookies is much better than the bag of potato chips and lollies that I used to consume at night.

I ran a km in 6 minutes... does that make me a runner? I never in my wildest dreams thought that I could make that kind of time, that's real running time, not fat shuffling time.
That was with needing to slow and pull up said running tights, does that make them too big? or just gravity and my rolls not compatible at high speeds?



Fingers crossed for a good result tomorrow, though even if I lose nothing on the scales, I feel that I've all ready won :)

Pajama Friday

Due to the kids commitments, Friday has always been a PJ day for us. We chill out at home and I attempt to not make plans for us to do anything I've always believed it helps the kids to reboot and reset after a big week. It's also a rest day for me not needing to go anywhere or ran the kids I also tend to 'attempt' my workouts at home on a Friday and staying in is also good for my sanity!
Since commencing the 12wbt I've noticed a slight shift in the workings of Pajama Day. We used to actually stay in our pj's all day and sit in front of the TV or do 'inside fun' which generally revolved around doing as little as possible and having take away for dinner.
Now we stay home but we actually 'do stuff' we cook, or play games outside and generally try and do fun stuff together. Normally Friday is when you would see mfp ping with an hour of wii with master 4 or kicking the ball around outside. Recently due to the weather, Fridays have been massive fort constructions and craft things... that I swore I would never ever EVER do at home... because of the mess... that I might need to move from said couch to clean up!

Not today, though miss 1 was happy to assist getting the Moroccan lamb shanks in the slow cooker Master 4 wasn't interested. We attempted to play wii but while waiting for a change of game Master 4 decided to draw on the white carpet with blue crayon...
Granted said carpet is about 30 years old but that's not the point....
He was given a time out, made to clean up the mess and was told there would be no further wii entertainment for the rest of the day. After he sheepishly returned from time out he was given lunch (tuna and spinach wraps) and continued to keep a low profile.

He asked if we could bake cake... or cookies... I said no.... offered to make something that wasn't sweet and he wasn't interested.
He asked if he could have the crayon's back... I said no...
He read Miss 1 a story.... he read me a story...
He changed outfits about 4 times and decided that the over shoulder look really should be in this season despite the obvious floors when being worn in sub-zero temperatures.

Finally,
he watched the TV... what we used to do ALL day on a Friday has become a last resort activity :D

As a side note, while both kids were happily entertaining one another I decided to do a sneaky and crack out the wii Zumba for 45 minutes....

and paid the ultimate price....

Have I mentioned Miss 1 is obsessed with toilet paper
Living room looked a little like a snowstorm... and Master 4 decided a jar of Vegemite is a perfectly acceptable snack when mummy wasn't watching....

That'll teach me for trusting the quiet!

Bad habits return

This week I've noticed the re-appearance of a few bad habits.
That sneaky chocolate bar from the servo,
too many cookies to accompany my tea,
late night yummy consumption in front of the TV
the night that I 'couldn't be bothered' so had pizza for tea, and the two days I had Red rooster for lunch... because I had to work....

*facepalm*

These are all relic's from my old life and it has shown me how quickly they can sneak back in without you noticing. I think the majority of my weight gain was due to those 'sneaky snacks' because I know I used to eat McD's on the way home from work most nights... scary thing now I look at it, no wonder I was pushing 110kg.
Today was the kicker and the eye opener playgroup this morning so my breakfast consisted of biscuits, coffee and some shapes with dip...
Was asked to make fairy bread for kinder today so allowed white bread to enter my house...
Massive mistake I have eaten 6 slices of toast with butter....

That my friends is my food diary for today!
Is it part of the food plan.... I don't think so

However that tiny little light bulb dinged away inside my head, biscuit in hand, round 7 and 8 of buttered toast cooking away and I thought 'why am I doing this?'
So I threw said foods in the bin.
In an attempt to redeem myself I have the corn chowder simmering away on the stove, but I'll be passing on the accompanying bread.

I will be doing the zumba double tonight... even though I was up at 5am to do an RPM class this morning.

I am not a slave to my bad habits and even though the devil on my shoulder says says I should throw it all in and have a gorging fest I am doing my best to beat that little bugger down with a big stick.

http://i.imgur.com/Gs8bBbR.jpg?1

The above image landed in my Facebook news feed yesterday, and It still makes me laugh out loud every time I look at it.

Because I am that girl,
Probability is high I always will be,
but you know what, if 90% of the time I can focus on my goals and be that girl for the other 10% I'll be one happy camper.

Lazy Saturday Adventures

Given it's a long weekend I decided to customize a few meals this weekend. We will all be home together with the exception of my working commitments so should be a great family weekend. I completed my SSS last night doing an EPIC masterclass.

I'm a little proud of this count! 

I even wagged the end because of my 5am start with Master 4 and it was running late, but 9:45 I was cactus so had to call it a day.

Had a little adventure while shopping this morning and forgot half a dozen things.
Had myself a lovely massage.... ahhhh!
About to pre-cook for the next 3 days but enjoying my pot of countess grey tea first.

Master 4 has requested a go on the wii, so will fire that up for a while this afternoon

Also, my kids had celery with peanut butter, snow pea's, capsicum and cherry tomato's with tatziki to dip in for lunch. I had planned to take pictures but they polished it off before I had a chance.

Massive winner, if I dont lose another kg today showed my that this program is worth every penny!

Anatomy of a run

Monday morning are my almost my favorite days of the week. Despite work in the afternoons both of my darling kiddies are off to childcare giving mummy her weekly dose of sanity.
To my utter surprise 99% this free time is spent exercising, without calls or distractions just sweat and silence.
That little devil rears his head most days with the whispered temptation to stay home and jump back into bed with my book... I Deserve time off... why waste it exercising...
Proud to say that most of the time I barely register the devil voice on this topic.

At the beginning of the year I invested in a little app called Zombies run.
If you've not seen or heard of it check it out. I like a little story line when out and had geared towards audio books rather than music... this is a happy medium in my books! It's GPS tracked so gives me little report at the end on how far i've run and how many zombies I evaded... yes it makes you run away from zombies....

I digress!
This morning it's been cold wet and raining and that fine haze was still present, I had tied my shoes, set my HRM and was out the door.

Normally I run through the local primary school but given it was after 9 common sense provaled and I took the long way around the suburb doing interval runs on the pavement, did a lap of the football field and before I knew it was in the reserve.

Due to more rain and muddy track I chose this point to stop the intervals and continue along the path at a brisk walk. Watched my HRM to ensure that I didn't drop below 130.

I encountered a few people with dogs, coats and beanies on giving me strange looks and I huffed on past with my 3/4 pants, short sleeves and red face. A few stray good mornings and comments on the weather.

Now to reach home again I need to tackle this    ------->

Doesn't look like much but when your already puffed out and at the end of your energy stores this little challenge is ready to force that final blast out.
Let me tell you, sometimes I've been known to do an extra lap just to put this monster off.
I keep telling myself that one day I will start in the other direction because these rolling hills continue for a long way past my modest little house but currently I'm afraid that much exertion may land me in the hospital.... so another time maybe?

Watch this space as I'm sure this whole experience will improve. I kept seeing quotes centering around what used to be hard will one day be your warm-up last week and I would LOVE myself sick the day I went up this hill as a warm up.


                           

Tears, tantrums and teamwork

So today was a fairly awful day for me. I've been struggling with 1200 calorie limit feeling completely exhausted and emotional. I've read through a million forums and the general consensus is how I'm feeling is fairly normal.

Also today I've been starving, all day! Once again consensus is this is normal :( 

Kept it cool and drank what felt like 50 million pots of green tea but lost the plot one D got home from work, I cried my heart out begged for ice cream and a sleep in tomorrow.

Thankfully he knows me well enough to say the right things and NOT produce the yummies. Sleep in tomorrow I've already canned for an early morning workout at the lake.

Made pies.... Kangaroo was off, so defrosted chicken mince instead, was yum, and have enough left over for work Sunday. 

After a hot shower, some dinner, and the prospect of an early night I feel much better. Even though I feel like I'm at rock bottom I can only hope things improve..

In the good news, seems I have a workout partner in the form of Master 4.... Who was most upset that I wouldn't let him use dumbbell's or cans like on the movie

Excuse the mess, but housekeeping was the last thing on my mind. 

Also miss 1 attempted to eat my wrap, so I made her one of her own she scoffed it all and I'm patting myself on the back for being a good influence.

Even a sooking, grumpy and short tempered mummy can do good even on the worst of days :) 

Check it out I think mummy deserves a point for this one!