Though I still have to do my fitness test this week I am feeling like a real winner.
Didn't start off like this though, the past few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions for me, wavering between obsessively on track or in binge mode. I feel like I have dietary bi-polar and working at two ends of the extreme instead of finding that happy middle ground.
Yesterday I had a little moment. I was hanging out with my mothers group for Master 4, now one is a police woman and has worked her but off after having two kids, another my partner in crime for gym classes and has always been pretty fit (or so I always assumed) The 3rd is one of those women that are tiny, eats's crap, never exercises but is still slim and beautiful.
I haven't seen two of them for ages and they were all over my weight loss, questions about what I've been doing and whatnot. So I was talking about the plan, how it worked and weight loss in general. I realized that even though I had assumed they had no idea what it was like to be me, always the fat girl in the group the conversation made me very conscious that even though I have more weight to move, that doesn't give me any additional right to complain or brag about how far I've come. They also have there own struggles and issues and though may 'only' have 5kg to move.
The fact they are so self conscious about it and they don't like it opened my eyes a little. Who am I too say 'don't lose weight, you'll be a stick' and be that friend that encourages them to eat chips because I'm so miserable about my body image. They deserve my acceptance and understanding that they too are struggling and should continue to talk about it, Hopefully now I'll be a contributor to the conversation instead of staying quiet and hating on them in my mind for already being skinny and beautiful so having no right to talk about this.
So I owe all three of them a big fat apology for judging them in my mind.... and hating on them in secret for being kick ass, moving there baby weight and getting on with the program, leaving me the sulking teenager behind eating chips and chocolate in the corner.
My exercise has been smashing and I do think that is what has gotten me through the past few weeks.
I set myself a challenge to 'change it up' on the exercise front and tried a thump boxing class, albeit unintentionally but still I'll take it. I swapped an attack for a spin class and have been swimming. Had planned to go to Yoga but missed the start of the class so landed in a Combat class instead.
Last night I did the hardest spin class in the history of mankind, I was sweating buckets and had the most massive sweaty crack... good thing it was dark.
For SSS this week I'm going to attempt to walk the fire trail up mountain, it's 100% out of my comfort zone but I'm willing to give it a go and I don't care if it takes me all day, I will climb that hill and be grateful when I reach the top!
We have had some winner meals this week, and I've surprised myself by eating things I wouldn't normally have tried let alone enjoyed.
Times are changing in this house, D informed me that he's now lost 10kg in 8 weeks but eating what we eat and tracking on MFP, part of me hates him for it being so easy for him but most of me loves him for sticking out the journey with me and being as involved as he is. I would have fallen and not gotten back up if not for him, especially with the kids. Master 4 has surprised and encouraged me with his ability to adapt and I'm starting to realize this journey is not just about me, the ripple effect all those around me that I love.
Onwards and upwards from here, I have a few reg flag events coming up, including the Pink concert in a few weeks time. So I will hold onto the wagon if it kills me and if I fall will keep getting back up, because as I'm starting to see, the payoff's are a hundred times more worthwhile than I ever thought before.