Christmas Fallout

Tomorrow I will weigh in,

I will own the damage my lax weeks have caused.

Today I tracked on MFP for the first time in weeks and drank over Glasses of water.

I was defeated by the 1000 steps, but I will be back to conquer you soon, minus the nausea and light-headed episode...

This was my dinner..... For over 400 cal per serve I am reminded why I don't 'do' pre-packaged foods.

But it was Tasty as!

I am reminded why I need to be the best me. Christmas is a time for indulgence, family and festivities 

And I want plenty more with my beautiful family.

Today was the day I got up and started again, and I am proud :) 

And she is back again....

I was so unaware it had been so long, it honestly only felt like a week had passed from my last post. 

Master 4 in his mummy made elephant get-up

Miss Almost 2 is pretty evil, lucky she's cute too

So I suppose it's that age old habit of when you are doing the wrong thing you hide away. That's actually not true, I have been 'thinking about what I'm doing' but in saying that only doing the minimum to get it done. I've not been tracking, my exercise has dropped to around 2-3 times a week and work has been so intense that I have been in the dark place eating ice-cream and not allowing myself to look outside the box. 

This morning I had a bittersweet moment, It's the 26th of October, the day of my sisters 30th and the day before Miss1 turns 2. After getting up the wrong side of the bed and really half-assing my gym session it dawned on me,

Today is the day I was supposed to be doing the 10k stampede :(

Due to money issues I was never able to register, I continued to train but my running has been very lackluster, when crunch time came, I chose birthday presents over the stampede. Add in that I've recently started seeing a chiropractor to rectify my favor to the right side and I have had days where I'm also hurting in new and exciting ways. Also more money :(

I've been looking outside and the weather is perfect, I was so worried that It would be stinking hot, but it's cool with a light drizzle that comes and goes... Bummer.

So today can go one of two ways, I can wallow in poor me's or I can use it to get back up and go.

Guess which one I've chosen?

No more floating in the middle, I've been busily printing up meal plan's and organizing my 12wbt recipe files on the computer. Obviously next round will be a going it alone round but I'm putting away money to pay for round 1 next year. I will follow the meals plans of the past two rounds and get my nutrition back on track, When pre-season starts I will be signing up that day and throwing myself into the pre-season to smash it out. 

Exercise wise will be interesting for the next few months as I have completed my training and will be starting up as an Intimo consultant on the 1st of November. My primary workout time has been evenings so my organizational skills will need to be perfect to get the exercise in. I can do it, even though it seems hard at the moment before i know it I'll be in a new routine and it will kick ass. 

Exciting times ahead for me! 

Intimo will help me support my family without needing more childcare and at the moment that is what needed to happen. We have been living month to month for the past year and although we can make it work, it truly is the most stressful and depressing time I've ever had. We have had lots of invites to events and outings that we simply cannot afford and I've had enough, my kids deserve, swimming lessons, birthday parties and special trips to places which for the past year have not been able to happen. Although it is a little scary I'm confident that the choice will pay off.

I've finally decided that Master 4 will be doing another year of kinder as he is just too young to send off to school, I sent him for another transition day and he was in a class with children primarily 2 years older than him, how can I expect him to enjoy the experience if he's all ready on the back foot being so much younger than the peers I'm placing him with? 

So I feel better for making that choice, however with it has come the realization that we are in for another 12 months of a tight budget, but now I have a plan so I'm confident we can make it work. I also finally got approved for my transfer which should happen mid-way through November. 

Exciting times ahead! 

Size 12 normal, non 'large fit' happy day's 

Also a few little fistpumps to finish,

I remain below 80kg even though I've not been devout to the program,

I'm comfortably a size 12 top, give me a few weeks (or a few more kg) and I will also be a size 14 bottom which were my goals for Christmas this year.

I've made an appointment for hypnotherapy

I've also made an appointment to get my strength workouts formalized.

Things are looking up and although it's been a dark time, it doesn't have to stay this way.

The only place I have to go is up while the scales keep moving down 

xoxox

Sunday Night

So It's been a full on weekend, work has been insane but it certainly keeps me occupied, also gets me laughing at times when  didn't really feel like it. I'll spare you the nurse humor however I will tell a little story,
When I had Master 4 he spent from 2 months old till 7 months old at work with me, now let me tell you if you think animals are good for dementia care, you should see what happens with babies!
I was working twice a week and he would come, and spend his day at activity groups either on the floor or in his pram. I would see him for bottles and bum changes... after a while I didn't even see him for those as the other staff (and residents) would share him around and do whatever it took for a snuggle.
To this day, residents, family members and staff constantly ask how he is and ask for photo's which of course I'm happy to provide, and most are completely shocked that he may be heading off to school next year but it makes for a very nice family feel at work.
Also the comments are coming thick and fast about my weight loss, everyone seems to have noticed and it's really great for my moral!
Doesn't change the fact that I'm pretty wreaked from my 2 days shifts with tomorrow night looming on the horizon. On the way to work I have been fantasizing about running...
Car pulling out of driveway at 6am... by 10 past I'm thinking 'it's light enough, I can run in this.... gives me and hour and a half before D leaves for work.... wonder how far I could run in an hour'

WHO IS THIS PERSON?

So I made a decision on Wednesday that because of my issue with the scales, I wont be weighing in again until the 25th of September....
So far so good, I'm feeling really positive and focusing on my eating and getting back into routine with exercise, tomorrow I'm going to do strength at the gym.... then run Tuesday morning...

Wednesday I'm trying crossfit....

I know I don't really believe it either!

We have had some winner meals this week, tonight we had 'Brinner' or Breakfast for dinner.... (that's what I get for letting D choose)
Pancakes, with scrambled eggs, chorizo and spinach and it was delish!

Feeling strong and confident that I can smash this... can I hold it together for 24 days without the scales to keep me on track? I'm hoping that it's the kick I need to finally let go of what they say and just work towards being a healthier and fitter version of me.

Jeans

So I thought I'd do some pictures and take a look at those jeans that have been calling me from the wardrobe once again.
Now I've been putting this off and I am still a little stalled in the weight loss department. Also given I'm working ALL weekend (sorry D) so therefore missing fathers day festivities.

Every so often lately D has asked me to spend time at home with him instead of flying off too work, training, workout, zumba, run or anything else. It's a fair request, sometimes I feel like we are ships that pass in the night and I know this is starting to bother him.

I don't see his request as selfish, if you think about the past few days activities Wed: Spin class, Tuesday: Education (brief coffee when handing over kids) Monday: Working PM shift, Sunday Working AM shift, Saturday: split SSS session, plus groceries, pre-cooking, a birthday party which ended with me asleep on the couch at 8pm.

Poor D is feeling the crunch when it comes to being time poor and is feeling a little neglected, I don't blame him as I know I've felt like that before. I NEED to ensure we have time together also but I'm not sure on the logistics of how to make that happen. We have always been a couple that relaxed with movies, TV and chocolate but now we are both a little unsure of what to do. We do still watch the idiot box, but not like we used too, and certainly without the snacks or for the same time frame that was pre 12wbt. Very scary stuff when you realize all those things you used to love just don't fit your life anymore, it has left a gap that I'm still seeking the answer for how to fill.

Suggestions welcome! 

Anyhoo back to the jeans!

When the first attempt was made I was sitting at 83.3kg.....

Today's attempt at 80.5kg,
If these pictures show anything it's that the scales really don't show everything going on with your body, for the past 3 weeks I've been smashing out strength workouts at the gym and although the scales report a 2.8kg difference the fact that the jeans can now almost reach my hips shows we are changing regardless of what the scales say.

They remain insanely tight on the thighs and obviously wont do up as yet.
But they will do,
Sooner rather than later I hope :)

Week 1 in review

Week one has ended well, After a rocky start we appear to be back on track. Finally able to organize myself and triumph over Saturday, Sunday and Monday which is normally when it all falls into a hole.

So how did I go with my goals this week?

Keep to calories, no sneaky treats and no additional extra's - I feel that I have done well with this challenge, I did go over calories but after being so tired and run down at the end of last round I decided that I would be eating back a quarter of my exercise calories if I was hungry, which I was on occasion. I did go over on a few days but all were 1000+ calorie days, my highest consumption day was Tuesday, sitting just over 1500, I think this was the day my appetite came back on with a vengeance as my meals were good but I ate lots of snacks. Between gym and the fitbit my total burn was 1231 for the day so I'm not to worried about it.
I know this isn't a popular practice with 12wbt but I was finding myself needing to nap with my daughter daily which clearly isn't viable long term. If it slows down my weight loss I'll wear it as for me personally I need to function and taking a 2 hour nap every day because I was constantly exhausted really isn't an option long term.

Run at least once, and time a 5k so I have something to work at improving - Done, Friday afternoon when I was trying to race the weather. Scary stuff but I'm pretty chuffed with my time :)

At least 2 days of exercise as per Mish's plans - I did 4 days as per her plans, Two toning days at gym, Outdoors program for Friday, and the SSS. Pretty happy, I'll continue to try for at least 3 of Mish's workouts per week!

I will focus on drinking water, no less than 8 cups - All but two days I drank over 9 cups of water.... Winning!

Sticking to the meal plans was at around 70%, lots of swapping about but ate good clean meals most of the time. I'm attempting to focus on improving my snacks as I tend to get carried away and eat the wrong things. Still pre-cooked for the weekend and Monday but unfortunately the kids have been less than enthusiastic about getting back into the meals. I'm hoping that will change with tonight's Korean style omelette, I'm really looking forward to it and I'm thinking the kids will like too. Fingers crossed!

Recap Round 2

Unfortunately I have been unable to do my time trial so my official ending time for 12wbt remains at 6 minutes. With round 3 set to kick off Monday week I will get it done again before then as a baseline.

I am slightly disappointed with my overall kg loss over the round, I was expecting to smash 10kg to the curb and dance triumphantly at the scales moving below 80 before the rounds completion but alas it wasn't to be. I've done so thinking and some grumbling and come up with this,
It was my first round, my learning round where I got used to meal plans and time management and pre-cooking, second guessing and dealing with family and staying in control (even if it was damage control)
My second round will be the results round.
I have learnt so much this round about portion sizes and feeling satisfied, also about what has become habit and what is part of real life. If I could switch the light in my head to on or off this would be easy but alas it isn't so. I still need to live and enjoy life and sometimes that means scones with jam, pasta and takeaway latte's and sometimes fit into my day, other times not that's why they are for SOMETIMES....
I will also commit to the exercise plan this round. Last round I did exercise doing classes, occasional strength, almost no flexibility 9/12 SSS's were completed so it wasn't a total loss, Round 3 however I will pick a program and smash it and follow the actual guide instead of just burning 500 calories a day. I needed to do it that way last round to get into the swing of meal planning, I honestly believe that if I had attempted to do both the whole 12wbt would have landed in the too hard basket.

D and I decided on Sunday night we would have takeaway to celebrate the end of round 2.... after scouring menu's, old fav's and places we used to frequent.

Taco Bill? Cheesy laden burrito or nacho's (we can make better, tasty and lower calories) Menu discarded
Indian? Lot's of cream, lots of fat.... can we get garlic naan and make our own curry.... Menu discarded
Fish and Chips.... no discussion, menu discarded
Pizza?... tempting, thin base and extra veg.... delivery time.... 1 hour.... too hard
McD's, KFC, Red rooster... pfft

All to hard, So we had omelettes,

Pre 12wbt we would not have even contemplated not getting take-away, we would have driven to KFC as a last resort, eaten too much, felt crap and unsatisfied but done it all over again when we couldn't be bothered. Previously as soon as we decided to take away that was it, if only our devotion to a planned meal ran so deep.
Surprisingly after 12 weeks, this appears to have changed, and I'm quietly impressed by it.
As a family unit our attitude towards food and eating has improved 100 fold, I still allow the kids treat meals and occasional foods. As a whole they are eating a bigger variety and are far more involved in preparation and planning. I'm hoping that this round will continue that trend.
Master 4 is still fussy and now that Miss 1 is starting to notice a whole new set of issues may be about to unfold.
It's all good though, I have the tools and the motivation to be a better role model and lead by example.
I also hope to wave the obese category behind this round.
Maybe even start buying clothes from the rack,
Build some muscle and be a kick ass mum.
Watch this space, change is still happening

Blessed

The most incredible thing happened last night,

Buffalo wings, I love them so much and cannot resist them on a menu

My inlaws paid for round 3 of 12wbt, D and I had made our peace with the fact we wouldn't be able to afford the next round. I was said and a little scared but had busily been saving recipes and building meal plans and really getting revved up about going it alone.
My inner devil was laughing away with the inner dialogue about not having the self control, and I was terrified about it having D home from work for one week has led to a huge amount of overindulgence and 'treat mentality'
2 trips to the cinema's,
4 meals out (all which involved chips and/or dessert)
Pizza and beer infront of the TV
slacking with meals and falling back into old habits...

My goal this week is to tighten my game back up and finish with a bang, my 10kg goal for the round is not going to happen, but rather than sulk, I'll make these last two weeks count.

Cupcake quiches, delish! 

Then my second round,
My inlaws are engaged and interested in our health and have commented on how much better we are eating, and the positive role modelling on the kids. I'd had discussions with MIL about how good the meal planning was and how it made it so easy to know what was coming up next as well as the time saving element of shopping lists. She is a big one for organization so was impressed by this element.
She stated how the kids horizons have expanded, though Master 4 is still picky he is MUCH better than before... and miss 1, well she will give anything a red hot go really.
I was starting to get concerned that they hadn't commented or noticed any weight loss as everyone else around us was full of positive words. Turns out they view it on a different level, to them we are not losing weight we are getting healthy which is so much more important to them than a number on the scales. My FIL has terminal cancer and after years of sideways remarks I've come to realize they want us to be well and that's what's important, not just weight loss, or stopping drinking and smoking.
They can see this program is working for us, so they want us to keep at it.

I am truly blessed by caring and loving people around me.

So tomorrow is weigh in, and I forsee another gain, but that's ok Yesterday was a good day, today will be a good day. If I can be good until end of round then maybe... just maybe...

I can have pizza and beer as a treat!

Miss 1 vs Mexican Pie, hands down winner in the household

Pajama Friday

Due to the kids commitments, Friday has always been a PJ day for us. We chill out at home and I attempt to not make plans for us to do anything I've always believed it helps the kids to reboot and reset after a big week. It's also a rest day for me not needing to go anywhere or ran the kids I also tend to 'attempt' my workouts at home on a Friday and staying in is also good for my sanity!
Since commencing the 12wbt I've noticed a slight shift in the workings of Pajama Day. We used to actually stay in our pj's all day and sit in front of the TV or do 'inside fun' which generally revolved around doing as little as possible and having take away for dinner.
Now we stay home but we actually 'do stuff' we cook, or play games outside and generally try and do fun stuff together. Normally Friday is when you would see mfp ping with an hour of wii with master 4 or kicking the ball around outside. Recently due to the weather, Fridays have been massive fort constructions and craft things... that I swore I would never ever EVER do at home... because of the mess... that I might need to move from said couch to clean up!

Not today, though miss 1 was happy to assist getting the Moroccan lamb shanks in the slow cooker Master 4 wasn't interested. We attempted to play wii but while waiting for a change of game Master 4 decided to draw on the white carpet with blue crayon...
Granted said carpet is about 30 years old but that's not the point....
He was given a time out, made to clean up the mess and was told there would be no further wii entertainment for the rest of the day. After he sheepishly returned from time out he was given lunch (tuna and spinach wraps) and continued to keep a low profile.

He asked if we could bake cake... or cookies... I said no.... offered to make something that wasn't sweet and he wasn't interested.
He asked if he could have the crayon's back... I said no...
He read Miss 1 a story.... he read me a story...
He changed outfits about 4 times and decided that the over shoulder look really should be in this season despite the obvious floors when being worn in sub-zero temperatures.

Finally,
he watched the TV... what we used to do ALL day on a Friday has become a last resort activity :D

As a side note, while both kids were happily entertaining one another I decided to do a sneaky and crack out the wii Zumba for 45 minutes....

and paid the ultimate price....

Have I mentioned Miss 1 is obsessed with toilet paper
Living room looked a little like a snowstorm... and Master 4 decided a jar of Vegemite is a perfectly acceptable snack when mummy wasn't watching....

That'll teach me for trusting the quiet!

What just happened?

I can't believe that it's Tuesday,
What on earth happened to the past week, it's like I blinked and missed it.
 Unfortunately I look back at the failings of last week and feel that I haven't come very far in improving my attitude or organization. My exercise has been haphazard, I wagged my run yesterday as the kids were home due to the public holiday. I have double zumba to make it up tonight.

I have had a little amount of family drama. My half sister has decided after 10 years of being estranged to attempt to re-connect with this side of the family. A lot of hurt has been done and many issues will need to be worked through she also has full time custody of her son who is 16, and he still has a book I gave to him when he was 4 the last time I set eyes on him he was younger than my son. It has made for a very introspective time and really working out what is important and creating clear boundaries. I meet with her on Sunday and she was upset but understanding that I had come alone, though she desperately wants a relationship with my kids.
My father is very selfish, and unfortunately that is the person we share. She is desperate to see him and prove that she has come a long way from her last contact. It was heartbreaking to try and explain that he lives in a bubble that don't include myself or my children so her chances of being able to reconnect with him are not great.
I will continue to see her and keep everything crossed that she continues on the path she is on, both for herself and my nephew. As you can imagine it has been an emotionally charged week.
I have had issues at work also this week but they have needed to go on the back burner for the time being. Sooner or later I'll drag that soap box out to climb upon and preach to anyone who will listen.

This weeks mini mission is to stick to the meal plan 100%, today so far so good,
yesterday... not so good.
I will also be aiming for that 9:30 bedtime, now game of thrones has finished I have no excuse to be up late munching popcorn.

Until tomorrow
xoxox